Happy sex life comes with hard work

Happy sex life comes with hard work

The secret to a happy sex life in a married life or long-term relationships is the belief that it takes hard work, not an expectation of sexual pleasure and satisfaction to simply happen, says a study led by a University of Toronto social psychology researcher.

Problems in the bedroom might or might not spell doom in a long-term relationship, as it entirely depends on what a couple believes, according to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

The researcher analysed sexual belief systems of 1,900 individuals and found that people fall into two sections when it comes to their sexual beliefs.

These ‘sexpectations’ — the need to work on sexual growth or rely on sexual destiny – are so powerful they can either sustain otherwise healthy relationships or undermine them, says researcher Jessica Maxwell, a PhD candidate in the department of psychology in the Faculty of Arts & Science from the University of Toronto.

“Whereas people who believe in sexual destiny are using their sex life as a barometer for how well their relationship is doing, and they believe problems in the bedroom equal problems in the relationship as a whole,” Maxwell says.

There is one group that believes strongly in ‘sexual destiny’ and feels that sex should be all about sparks and twisted bed sheets devoid of nurture.

“Your sex life is like a garden, and it needs to be watered and nurtured to maintain it.”

The study also found that if one partner is high on sex growth beliefs, both the partners benefit from this. Whether one can have a great relationship if things are falling apart in their bedroom, also vary from group to group.

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The study showed that, while sexual-growth beliefs can buffer the impact of problems in the bedroom, they don’t help as much if the problems become too substantial.

Maxwell concluded saying that there is a honeymoon phase lasting about two to three years where sexual satisfaction is high among both sexual growth and sexual destiny believers. The benefit of believing in sexual growth becomes clear after this initial phase.

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